run a shower at 2030. an hour had pass. am still feeling so tired. this massive headache ongoing.

massage my feet. charged the laptop. charged the phone. speaking of phone, andy calls me an iphone abuser. i dropped my phone so damn often. i dont bother to get a decent protector and there're multiple scratches on it. Another reason for 3GS.

i feel so disgusted. had too many shaker fries this week. i suspect these fries give me headache.

my mom prolly thought i am too depressed. i have never been too honest with my feelings. i just thought its never a need to put myself through that drama. she came to my room and we had a heart to heart talk. she asked whats my plans. she goes on about my cousins graduating and becoming teachers in near future. one of them have marriage in the plans and his other half, is a teacher-to-be. this started after i told her i spotted a 5inches in Ion. my world just revolved around holidays, shoes, bags and more clothes. i never like planning because when it fails, i get so damn lost.

gerald said my current job is making me too unhappy which is causing my relationship to fail. i am grumpy and bitchy the second i knocked off but i really like my jobscope. my previous career because i feel its corporate climbing one, pays me decently but its truly driving me crazy daily so i half-fucked it after 8 months. i am not a motivated person and all i do is merry-making. so i nailed my current one. good location. good working hours. good environment. good scope. despite the goodness, he still says i am cranky. so my mom concluded, i am not cut out to work which is prolly true but its somehow unrealistic. i just need to go for a holiday soon and worry about it later. i need a serious unwinding.

my relationship is prolly what i prefer to call it, a frozen time. i stalled it. we stalled it. perhaps we dont know what to do anymore. i have to admit things has been going downhill since that korea trip but we tried to make things work and along the way, more problems seem to occur which is ultra draining but we never thought of letting go. maybe i did because its like some mental abuse and i cant handle such situations but he is someone who has captivated me the moment we connect. my best travelling companion. he reads me. knows my dinning habits. sleeping habits. sneaky moments. my dos and donts. things still went wrong anyhow. we are such strong characters that we refused to give in for times when mistakes made. he needs time. i need space. so all we do is wait.

he spends time with the boys pokering. i spend time gluing my eyes on my iphone and laptop. lusting over the latest seasons. he would spend the amt of money over cards. i would spend the amt of money over bags. this is our major difference. he could go on about pocket aces and i could go on about that chanel bag. we were never too enthu about our major interest but this is life. i hate gyming and golfing. he hates shopping and sleeping. i had accompany him for golfing sessions and put my well-manicured fingers to cook. he bought me vuitton for my birthday and do hardcore shopping in HK with me. despite our dislikes, we heard love move mountains right?

the previous conflict ended in screams and tears. people said this is love. what irks the shit out of me is that i tried to talk but he stomp down the hall and all i hear is his engine roaring and gate closing. is this love again?

times like this are like going through a mourning stage, then the rebellion and finding the life by yourself again. then, you feel better. and did somebody says, this is love, like again?